Old Man Powers
by Infinite's Ruby
Summary: Stanley Pines has always had a reputation for getting into trouble and spending several nights in prison for stealing the simplest things. Much to Ford's chagrin, he'll soon learn Stanley has a unique talent for getting out of trouble.


It was a beautiful day in Oahu, an island paradise in which Stan, and Ford found themselves walking along the island's beach. They'd just arrived two days ago in Oahu the warm tropical island having received a warm greeting from the locals having been directed to take in the local sights the island had to offer.

The Stan of War two had been tied up in the harbor while the brothers had taken in the sights of the beautiful island that including a dog that was chasing its tail for no reason. Ford, of course, had spent most of the day eagerly keeping an eye out for the Menehune who were little Dwarf people that were said to hide away from humans. There was no stopping Ford, who'd traversed into Hawaii's forest dragging Stanley along who wanted to catch one of them so he could bring it back as an attraction to the Mystery Shack.

However, neither brother had any luck in finding a single Menehune much to Stanford's disappointment. Stanley walked alongside Forscratchingng at the multiple mosquito bites dotting his arms.

Stanley had been bitten relentlessly by the mosquitoes the twins made their way to the local pharmacy; Ford pulled out a list carefully looking at the items ticking them off until he came to the last thing on the list heaving out a sigh.

"We're running low on tangerines Stanley," Ford said. "We do need to pick some up before we go. We still have plenty of fruit; we don't want to get scurvy when we're traveling to our next hotspot near the Great Barrier Reef."

"Fine then let's just go to that guy over there," Stanley said. "There aren't many babes here so let's just move on to the next place Sixer."

Stanley made his way towards the nearest fruit vendor who smiled, spreading his arms wide as Stanley swiftly bagged three Tangerines plunking them down in front of the vendor who merely smiled upon seeing the pair of potential customers approaching his stall.

"Alright, pal how much for three tangerines?" Stanley asked with a sigh reaching for his wallet.

"Altogether, that will be ten dollars, my good man."

"What?! Ten bucks for three stinkin' tangerines?!" Stanely exclaimed. "Do you people expect me to have magic money pants?"

"Sir, if you don't like my prices, then there' are plenty of other fruit vendors on the island."

Ford gently tugged Stanley on his coat sleeve hoping in vain that his brother would understand that now wasn't the time to pick a fight.

"Alright, alright. Yeesh, you didn't have to be a grump about it!"

Ford turned around not before he thought he Stanley's hand swiftly pocket the three tangerines walking away with a small content smile on his face. Ford knew that look well. It was the same smile that Stanley would have on his face whenever he did something that he wasn't supposed to do.

"Stanley, please tell me that you didn't do what I think you did."

Ford heard the small chuckle from Stanley as he whipped out his hand the three pieces of fruit nestled in the palm of his hand. The wide smile

"Are you crazy?!" Ford hissed. "I thought that all of those Columbian nights would've taught you that stealing was wrong!"

"Ah, you worry too much Ford," Stanley said. " Oh please, I was fleecing idiots back in Gravity Falls for years. Besides who's going to miss a few overpriced tangerines, anyway?"

"Thieves! They stole from me!"

 _Of course,_ Ford mused to himself noticing the large crowd that rapidly gathered. The sheepish smile on Stanley's face gave away his guilt.

"Stanley, do something to distract them." Ford hissed seeing Stanley grin reaching into his coat pocket, pulling out a rock shaped object holding it up proudly like a parent displaying their first-born child.

"Behold! The Rock that looks like a Face!"

The crowd stopped to gaze at the rock, allowing Stanley to step forward, placing the rock that looks like a face on the ground between the Pines twins and the mob seizing their opportunity to make a break for it. The locals stopped to examine the rock treating it like as a priceless treasure. It didn't take long for the crowd to get into a pointless debate on whether it was a rock or face or if it was a metaphor for life itself.

"This is a glorious wonder of the world," One of the residents dropped to his knees marveling at the rock that looks like a face. "It's a rock that looks like a face!"

"Or is it a face?"

"No, it's a face that looks like a rock."

"But it looks more like a rock than a face."

"It's not an actual face! It's a rock that looks like a face!"

"Wait a minute, why are we debating over this?!" They're getting away!"

Ford bit down an irritated sigh, and he heard Stan mutter a curse word he hoped he hadn't used around Dipper and Mabel. The two of them broke into a run hearing the sound of the angry mob chasing them down, throwing all sorts of objects which included rotten tomatoes splattering uselessly behind the two brothers.

Ford Pines bit back the sigh as he saw his younger twin Stanley peering out from behind the back of an old wall that the twins had chosen to seek shelter in an old alleyway that was out of sight from the angry mob that was chasing them. It had been ten minutes ever since Stanley had stolen the tangerines.

"Stanley, why did you steal those Tangerines? "They are not that expensive." Stanford protested running ahead of his brother.

"Oh, come on Ford ten bucks for three Tangerines is crazy!" Stanley protested. "I was ripping off people in Gravity Falls for way less money!"

Stanley and Ford came to a stop in the middle breathing heavily from their run casting furtive looks around a small town square. Several residents milled about unaware a robbery had just occurred.

Years as a con man and numerous overnight stays in jail had taught Stan that it was a good idea to keep an eye out for the quickest escape route. Not too far away from the angry mob, an ambulance parked off to the side, and the medic in the ambulance was sitting at the wheel of the vehicle looking bored flipping through a newspaper.

"I think that I've just found our ticket out of this mess, but I need ya to play along sixer."

"Stanley what are-"

"Aargh! I think I'm about to have a heart attack!" Stanley let out the most dramatic yell falling to the ground clutching his chest.

"Oh, my Gosh Stanley!"

Ford forgot his earlier annoyance and sprinted across the square to where the ambulance was, and he banged frantically on the door well aware that a crowd was already beginning to gather where his brother was lying on the ground.

"Please, we need to get to the hospital! My brother, he's about to have a heart attack!" Ford was frantic with worry, and he ran back over to where Stanley lay gasping and much to Ford's concern he was still clutching his chest.

"The light, I see a wondrous light coming towards me, and it's in a giant pot of money!" Stanley was hamming it up now, and Ford bent down as he gently took Stanley's hand in his own. "I see naked women!"

"Stanley It'll be okay. We're going to get you to a hospital. You're going to be okay."

Ford said, feeling his hand tremble, and he followed the medics into the back of the ambulance. Stanley was already on a gurney. The ambulance took off sirens wailing. Stanley had passed out at this point his eyes were closed, and he would let out a low moan of pain. Ford saw his brother's eyelids twitch. Stanley slowly opened his eyes, and he slowly lifted his head.

"Where am I? Ford, I see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it's a giant pool of gold!" With babes everywhere!"

"Stanley it's all going to be okay. We're in an ambulance," Ford assured Stanley. "You're going to go to the hospital-"

Ford trailed off when he saw the giant grin that spread across Stan's face.

"Hehe, that was one heck of a show if I do say so myself," Stanley chuckled. "Man Ford you did even better than I thought ya would."

"Wait, what do you mean performance? Stanley a heart attack is no laughing matter." Ford said sternly with a hint of confusion in his voice. How could his twin brother joke about having a heart attack?

"I wasn't having a heart attack, Poindexter. I only faked one, so we could get a free ride away from that mob." Stanley said grinning widely. "It's a little trick that I taught myself called old man powers. I used it once to get onto an episode of Cash Wheel."

"You faked a serious medical emergency just to get us away from an angry mob,?!" Ford asked raising his tone of voice showing his disapproval for Stanley's actions.

"Well, my old man powers got us a free ride, and the best part is that we don't have to face the consequences!"

Ford looked down at the gleeful expression on Stanley's face. He felt his fingers curl in somewhat and he breathed in forcing a smile on his face.

"You're right Stanley it's a good thing that we're going to the Hospital."

"Heh, well, it's nice to know that you finally see things my way."

"Because I'm going to put you in the accident and emergency ward myself!" Ford suddenly grabbed Stanley by shoulders who let out a gasp of shock raising his hands to catch his brother by his wrists to stop him from landing several blows on him.

"Oh come on Sixer! Oh please, you need to lighten up."

"A heart attack is nothing to laugh about and what if there was someone out there who's having a heart attack?!" Ford exclaimed in exasperation.

At Ford's words as though the universe agreed with Ford the ambulance suddenly screeched to a stop almost jerking the brothers right to the front of the vehicle. The driver turned around in her seat a disapproving expression on her face.

"Excuse me; Sirs did your brother just admit that he wasn't have a heart attack?" The paramedic asked.

"Yes, my brother admitted that he was," Ford said as Stanley rolled his eyes and muttered tattle tale underneath his breath. "We're sorry."

"Sirs, this is an emergency only vehicle and that your little stunt could've put someone else's life in severe danger," The driver scolded. "You two are irresponsible men, and you should be setting a better example for today's kids."

"Oh, right what are ya gonna do? Kick us out of the vehicle?" Stanley taunted.

Right on cue the two the paramedics grabbed both of their arms and threw them out of the vehicle as the ambulance sped off coating the two brothers in a cloud of exhaust leaving them coughing.

"Stanley of all the stupid, insane risks this was your worst one yet," Ford grumbled as he stood up dusting the dirt off his clothes. Stan grinned when they'd realized they were at the harbour noticing the Stan of War 2 was still tied up at the dock.

"I mean even more so when you took on Crampelter," Ford replied. "Didn't you give him a wedgie?"

"It was worth it, to see the look on his face," Stanley chuckled. "You see, old man powers came through yet again," Stanley said. I'll have to teach them to you."

"I'll pass on that offer Stanley," Ford grumbled. "One day someone's going to arrest you for that stunt."

"There they are! The thieves!"

Ford and Stan tensed where the stall owner and the mob from earlier had spotted them. They ran towards the older Pines twins who broke into a mad dash for the dock where their boat was tethered. Ford was the first one onto the Stan of War 2 hastily untying the ropes that kept it tethered.

Stanley was several meters behind his brother. It was true that he was more out of shape than Ford was, but upon seeing the boat pulling away from the dock, it gave him the extra motivation he needed to put on a desperate spring leaping onto the boat, the boat rocked slightly from the force of Stanley nearly skidding on the wet wooden planks.

"Step on it Sixer!"

Ford grabbed the wheel turning the boat away from the dock, seeing their pursuers come skidding to a stop. Some of them raised their pitchforks in frustration that they had been unable to catch the thieves.

"Don't ever set foot on Oahu ever again, you thieving cowards!"

Stanley turned around the wide smirk was on his face. He couldn't resist making one last taunt at the crowd gathered on the dock shaking pitchforks and whatever other sharp objects that they could get their hands on to use in the oncoming fight.

"See you later suckers!"

The evening sun was setting down as the Stan of war two sped away from Hawaii. Stanley glanced back at the retreating shoreline a grin on his face.

"Well, that was a day, at least we got your tangerines," Stan said, a small smile on his face as Ford quietly huffed in annoyance at his younger twin brother's antics. There were times when it was hard being the older twin.

"That was too close Stanley had those people caught us, we would've spent the night in jail."

Stanley waved of his brother's concerns. Even when they were kids, Ford had always been the more law-abiding of, the older Pines twins.

"Ah, you're a knucklehead Stanely and just don't rely on them too much in the future," Ford said with a good-natured laugh lightly punching Stanley on the shoulder. "We'll need to get some rest for the days ahead."

"I have a feeling that we're gonna get banned from Oahu," Stanley replied. "Just go and put'em away. Eh, it's too bad we couldn't find any of those little men you mentioned. They would've made a great attraction for the Mystery Shack."

Ford chuckled slightly picking up the small bag of tangerines making his way down to their shared quarters to put the Tangerines in with their supplies. Ford was a bit of the stick in the mud at times, but they were family.

Stanley steered the boat heading in the direction of the next paranormal hotspot that the brothers were investigating which was near the Great Barrier Reef. Maybe they would contact Dipper and Mabel later on tonight to check up on how they were both doing.

"Stanely we're out of milk!"

Ford's voice broke the peaceful silence followed by Ford coming up to the deck. Stanley heaved a sigh of slight annoyance.

 _Whelp, here we go again_ Stanley thought to himself, turning hard on the boat's wheel steering it in the direction of Japan.

"Maybe we could steal a cow," Stanley muttered to himself. "And then I could paint it gold stick a few horns and other animal parts on it. And then have Soos show it off as an attraction."

Stanley allowed a smile at the idea. It would undoubtedly be a lively attraction. Soos would have something new to show off, and Mabel would turn the cow into a work of art. It would brighten up the Mystery Shack, and help fool the gullible idiots living in

"No cow stealing Stanley!"

Ford's voice called from their sleeping quarters shooting down that idea immediately. Stanley heaved a small sigh of irritation still on course for Japan. For several minutes Ford called up again from their living quarters.

"Stanley, please tell me that you haven't been to jail here in Japan have you?"

"Why yes, I spent some time in jail once when I was caught smuggling those cranes!" Stanley exclaimed. "I planned to take them back to the Mystery Shack, and train them to pickpocket from the tourists."

Ford shook his head with a chuckle. "Ah, Stanley, you never change. I remember that time you tried to train that possum to pickpocket the tourists, in New Jersey. In all seriousness, though Stanley please promise me you won't do old man powers again. If something were to happen to you, I don't want to lose you again."

"Ah, okay, Sixer I won't do it again, only when it comes to avoiding having our butts thrown in jail, besides, you pulled off a great performance yourself. Although I'm pretty sure we're going to banned from Oahu now."

Ford smiled the pair of brothers watching the sun setting over the waves in tranquil silence heading to whether the future had in store for them.

* * *

Disclaimer I do not own Gravity Falls or any of its characters since they are copyrighted to Alex Hirsch and Disney.

Author's note This is my first Gravity Falls fic. This one-shot was inspired by watching Boss Mabel recently, and one of the funniest scenes is Stanley Pines just using his old man powers to get onto Cash Wheel, and I had to wonder what would happen if Ford saw Stanley Pines use his "old man powers" to steal something.

As a result, this little fic was born. I hope that people enjoy this little one-shot.


End file.
